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Self Contained
Making friends, working hard, and actively pursuing personal goals.
Mon Apr 8 2002 3:28pm
 
The Christmas Time Suicide Balloon
CONSUMER ALERT: Are our Christmas Time Suicide Balloons safe?
Fri Dec 14 2001 2:24pm
Nobody Came To My Winter Solstice Party
I'm not accusing anyone, just asking why and what gives.
Mon Nov 5 2001 9:49pm
Rhapsody In Yellow
Weather supercenter forecast: clear skies with light patches of severe thunderstorms.
Tue Oct 30 2001 10:00am
The Chinese Sticks
For my first trick, I must ask for nothing less than complete silence.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:39am
There's A Girl I Like
Prayer thoughts for high school boys of dating age.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:34am
 
Manage Your Web Dollars!
Understanding Cyberspace presents a rotating panel of tech leaders and industry professionals.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
Banana Peel Snarls Southbound Lanes
The first victim was a 21 year old perfume and fragrance retailer.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
You Sure Are Stupid
A collection of found photographs with accompanying poignant sentiment.
Mon Oct 22 2001 12:26am
Crashing and Burning
Yes! We have recommendations for you in tech support jokes, abortion gags, and toilet humor.
Sun Oct 21 2001 1:37am
The Javascript Doctor
I'm back, refreshed - and ready to tackle your questions! Won't you open your hearts and let me in?
Thu Oct 18 2001 11:22pm
 
 
WARNING: BONERS LOOSE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT
Step one. Remove the cap.

Fair enough, it came right off. Inside was a valve and a pressure indicator which sort of looked like the diagram in chapter B6 of your manual, but not really.
Step two. Not sure.

The print was blurred. I couldn't find an associated illustration. I'm assuming B7 has something to do with connecting the balloon spout to the helium spigot. I admit to stumbling blindly through the darkness of this passage.
Step three. Inflate?

I guess. Thanks for entrusting me with the most undecorated, boring balloon possible. I was led to believe killing myself might be more dope, fly, phresh, radical, etc. And nowhere was it specified how much gas would be enough, nor how much might be too much.
Step four. Stringsmanship.

Here's where I think the "ribbon" (actually an oversized clown shoelace) comes into play. There were numerous diagrams of knots, slipknots, nooses. Clearly my neck was to be involved, but how?
There's no other way to say it: The string / loop / thing is poorly designed. You provide way too much string. Halfway through the looping process I had to start over.
In an attempt to unloop my way back to step 4, I accidentally re-looped the first loop and these TWO loops were looped together. The result? I myself was looped.
It was a miserable experience. I tried a number of times to step out and away from these loops, back on the right track. In so doing, I almost knocked the helium cylinder over and the balloon was very nearly released!
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MY PAC MAN FEVER IS NOW OFFICIALLY FULL BLOWN PAC MAN AIDS
© 2002  Leisure Town For Mature Readers